Hate to tell you but yes you are mainstream…

    Hipsters! Who doesn’t hate hipsters? They all smell funny and look ridiculous.  Their hair is so greasy it stands up by itself.  I hate these people so much.  And its not just because of who you are I would be perfectly fine with y’all wanting to not be mainstream.  But when you get all snobby because we’re not listening to the kind of music you want to listen to, it just frustrates me. 

This is A list to test if you are hipster…
You grow ironic facial hair
2. You have more plaid shirts than tshirts
3. You refuse to admit that you listen to anything that anyone else has ever heard of
4. You no longer love First Ave. since it got "all mainstream" (but really you were kicked out)
5. thrift store/boutique owners know you by name
6. You're so over the Current
7. You wear a scarf when it is 85 degrees outside
8. you loathe Top 40... unless it's being mixed by Girl Talk, obviously
9. if the cover is more than $0, then the band obviously sucks
10. you won't tell anyone where you get your hair cut because you're a) afraid they'll copy it, and 2) embarassed by how much you pay for it
If three or more of these apply to you get off this blog right now! You don’t belong here and how are you reading this aren’t computers too mainstream for y’all?

Now if you’re still here you can This is my recollection of the events that happened a week ago…  I’m sitting in south side coffee shop listening to some George Strait songs.  Some random dudes sit down at the table I’m at and ask what I’m listening to.  I told them I was listening to some George Strait.  They looked at me like I was selling nuclear secrets to North Korea… “What?! Don‘t you know that he‘s like totally mainstream man?” they ask me.  “Umm I don’t really care dude I like his music dude…”  Dude you should totally listen to this band called Fancy Space People.” So while they were lecturing me about the right kind of music I brought these two webpages up on my iPad, http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Hipster, http://www.ranker.com/list/bands-that-will-get-you-into-a-hipster_s-pants/.  Basically two different websites explaining how to be a hipster and I explained to them that they fact that these websites existed meant that being a hipster was in fact mainstream and therefore their entire lives were basically void since they spent the whole time trying to not be mainstream and ended up mainstream.  To which they got mad stood up with their ridiculous espresso cups and stormed off to another table.  Oh yeah that’s a win for me! Suck it hipsters!