Wednesday, May 4, 2011

We all need alone time...

I swear people refuse to leave me alone.  It’s getting to be a little bit ridiculous.  Now don’t get me wrong I do like people.  I enjoy peoples company, just not all the time.  There are times that all I want to do is watch a John Wayne, or Steve McQueen movie.  You know just get entranced in another world of Cowboys and Indians, or a Nazi German Prisoner of war camp escape attempt.  However unfortunately I cant do that.  People keep asking me questions.  Telling me how I should live, asking me how my life’s going telling me how their life’s going, asking about my facebook status or whatever and by the way who cares about facebook status’?  I mean honestly who gives a tiny rats keister (by the way did you know that “keister” originally meant a persons suitcase?), personally I believe that facebook only exists to be a giant hateful soul crushing tool to be used by my parents.  If you don’t believe me here’s a little story.  I was sitting in my room watching the movie “Bullit” which is a phenomenal movie starring Steve McQueen, and it pretty much defines cool, and my mom calls my over the phone to yell at me about something my dad put on facebook.  Well upon further investigation into what the heck she was talking about I found that my mom wrote on my facebook wall yelling at me about not walking the dogs when I stopped by the house for five minutes.  Well my father in his infinite wisdom decided to post a comment to her comment saying nothing more than “68” that’s it just the number “68”.  Now to a normal person that seems random, unless your me.  You see my dad has a phone that does countdowns until a certain day of the year.  Well for past 297 days my dad has told me on a daily basis a different number starting with 365 all the way down to at the time “68”.  Well for those of you who havent figured out what these numbers mean… it’s how many days I have left until I’m eighteen years old and can make my own decisions.  Well that’s what it means to me to him its his last child support payment.  Anyway so he posts the number 68 and she’s already mad, so when I originally saw that he had posted that I just figured “oh well mothers not very good at math anyway.  She’ll just think that dads going insane.”  Well unfortunately for me moms not very good at math but her stupid boyfriend who does nothing but infuriate me is quite adequate at basic math and did his calculations to help my mom figure out what it meant and then my movie night turned into a typical Johnston family night which is an argument between the two houses through me.  So instead of letting this become that crappy night I put both of my parents on phone with each other turned on the speaker phone and said “Listen children! I am not a part of your petty squabbling! Now you two either play nice or kill each other I really have no preference as too which happens! Now I’m going to go watch my movie! So you two… fight to the death!”  and I ran to my room and barricaded my door with my dresser, and watched my movie.  Yeah that’s how you handle that situation.  Anyway now people I’m not saying don’t talk to me I quite enjoy talking to all of you.  However if it seems like I don’t want to talk to you… keep talking to me because as you all know I have no problem saying exactly what I am thinking no matter who I’m talking to or what kind of state of mind they are.  So up until this point in time I have stayed pretty much on one topic the whole time so now I’m give y'all a list of things that frustrate to the point that it makes me want to squeeze lemons into paper cuts on my eyes that were given to me by a large sweaty communist.  Ahem…. Communists, Fake Gangsters, People who say that everyone in my generation are idiots,  people who say that people are wearing their pants around their ankles (It doesn’t make any sense to say that because if their pants were around their ankles they wouldn’t be able to walk), people in trailer parks, people who live in tornado alley and then get upset that their house got thrown fifty feet by twister or hurricane, Small children due to the fact that their sticky,  Vegetarians, Pacifists, Old people, People who think that the Dukes of Hazard was a racist show, Emo kids, Substitute school teachers for the simple fact that no matter how nice I am to them they always yell at me (personally I think they all get together in the most evil place imaginable, maybe Fashion Bug, and all look at a giant picture of me and they all go “LETS GET HIM!”), Bleeding-heart liberals, Liberals, Joe Biden, Democrats, Hippies, people who ride mopeds, people who ride mopeds and wear leather jackets with big Harley Davidson logos on their back, People who cut in front of me at walmart, people who are my cashier at walmart, people who believe they can cast spells, People wearing sandals and socks, Dudes wearing pinky rings, slim-Jims, People who eat Slim-Jims, People who tell me I need Jesus, When my grandma threw a bible at me and told me I need Jesus, Romance Novels, Anyone who reads romance novels, Anyone who hates the movie Braveheart, Anyone who hates John Wayne movies, Anyone who hates Steve McQueen movies, and finally every single one of you little punks who insist on telling me that life is short… It really isn’t! I’m ninety nine percent positive that it lasts up too 115 years and 252 days (based on the life of Christian Mortensen.  Don’t believe me look it up punks!)  Anyway I know I got really off topic at the end but theirs my rant.

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